The wives of ex-boyfriends


I got unfriended on facebook (and possibly myspace, I suppose I could check) by an ex-boyfriend recently.  He and his wife just had a baby, and I made the mistake of congratulating them on his wall.  Of course, while I was at it, I asked about his grandmother (who was a really cool lady), found out she had died, and sent some photos of her from the one time I met her.  Perhaps that was the final straw.  I only meant it as a nice gesture.  I sometimes have the insight and forethought of my mother (sorry mom, you can kind of be a bull in a china shop.  And if there are 20 ways to take that and one is nice and the other nineteen are mean, I mean the one nice one.  😉 )**

It’s not like I’m a stalker.  It’s not like I want to be BFFs with this guy.  I was really mean to him when we broke up (I dumped him and then basically disappeared.  I’m a pretty firm believer in cutting ties and creating a buffer time to give everyone a chance to calm down.  Learned that one from Nate when I dumped him in high school.  He set the buffer at nearly 2 years.)  We had talked a bit after the break up (like a few months), and he was of the opinion that perhaps we could work things out.  It wasn’t going to happen (I really sit and contemplate and think things from so many angles it’s ridiculous before making such serious decisions–obviously I take a different approach to the non-serious ones.  I’d spent the summer that ended in the break up working at a really boring job, so there was lots of time to think and make lists and think some more.  I was not changing my mind at that point), so I cut all ties hoping to quash that hope and let everyone move on.  Anyway, I felt bad about it, and had decided that we could be friends one day, but not that day.  So a few years later I heard through the Illustration Department/Photo Department grapevine that he was getting married and figured that was a pretty good sign that he had moved on and we could be friends.

So flash forward several years.  We’ve been myspace and facebook friends with all the closeness that that involves (i.e. when his status popped up on my newsfeed I could contemplate checking to see what he was up to, so not much interaction).  I knew he had his dream job and was living the good life.  That’s cool, but not enough to pop over and leave lots of ex-girlfriend messages on his wall.  Until this past month.  

Now, as you may recall from an earlier post, ALL of my friends are either pregnant, trying, or just popped out a kid.  It seems like I could count on one hand (ok, maybe two) the number of non-preggers friends I have.  So when a status about a baby pops up (which is practically every day right now), I rush over and leave a congratulatory post.  Probably a bad idea in this case.  Then it looked like the baby might show up on my birthday (which is always exciting to me.  Actually, Nathan’s cousin who shares my birthday had her son on my birthday this year so now there are 3 of us in the family sharing it), so it piqued my interest, and I was waiting for an update.  

I still don’t know if he showed up in time to be a solstice baby because now we’re not friends anymore.  Turns out the wife was not excited about me and made him unfriend me.  Oops.  Of course, she gets to make the ex-girlfriend decisions (being the wife and mother of his child and all), so I can’t blame anyone, I just find it interesting.  I would never think to make Nathan unfriend anyone.  Hell, he could be friends with all the girls he dated and all the girls he wanted to date.  They could leave him congratulatory posts about whatever and ask about his grandmothers (one of whom died last year) all day long.  I’m very confident in my hold over him… er, I mean, our relationship.  😉  We even had a friend of his he had made out with but never actually dated back in college at our wedding (no ex-girlfriends, though.  But there were a couple invited.)  There was that one time that a friend of his got drunk and told me she wanted to have sex with him (this was before we got married).  That raised my hackles a bit, but I did what I saw fit in the situation, and it did not involve clawing her eyes out or insisting Nathan not be her friend.  Hell, she spent the night in the livingroom with all the other drunk people, not in the street where some people suggested she might belong.  I don’t have enough Springer guest in me.  Plus, she’s not anywhere near as hot as I am.  😉  Oh, and she was AT the wedding (and didn’t seem as excited about all the PDA that weddings involve).  

But, perhaps if I had spent the last 9 months peeing a little whenever I laughed or sneezed and hadn’t seen my feet for the last several of them and was probably going through all kinds of hormonal shifts having just pushed a human being out a very small hole (which my mother promises stretches enough, but I’ve heard about tearing and cutting, and I’m not buying her “child birth is a wonderful, painless experience that is just a lot of hard work and nothing more” story), perhaps I would be a little more uncomfortable with my man getting facebook posts from his ex.  But knowing me and knowing Nate, I doubt it.

Anyway, I don’t have a very long list of ex-boyfriends (Nate’s ex- list, on the other hand… Whew!).  I’m only friends with a handful (the rest I either lost touch with or hate me.  I was generally the heart-breaker.  Sorry guys!).  But I’ve never had one whose wife seemed to find me disagreeable.  We even had one ex and his girlfriend spend the night on their way to California and have an open invite to stay with them.  I’m pretty good friends with a couple of Nathan’s ex-girlfriends, and even shot the wedding of one.  I guess I just don’t understand the concern about ex’s.  There was a reason it didn’t work out and that reason most likely still exists.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends.  Especially since I’ve been with Nathan for 8 years now.  All of my ex’s are at least 8 years out of date.  And most of us are all married.  Perhaps I’m too naive and trusting (which would be uncharacteristic)  But it’s probably because I am so awesomely intimidating.  😉

** Editor’s Note:  My mom is an awesome mom, but she’s always been a bit of a bantam rooster.  Being smaller than everyone–and related to my aunts and uncle–will do that to a person, I guess.  So no offense to my mom who just recently found out I have a blog.  I love you mom!  🙂

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~ by rebeccaclaire on January 8, 2009.

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