Anyone want to trade moms?
Anyone want to trade moms?
So, after telling people how my mom had totally calmed down about the wedding and was being pretty cool about my picnic reception, she made me a liar. I stayed with her Saturday night and immediately upon arriving, the wedding “planning” started.
I told her that we want to keep it small and asked about a few people I would LOVE to cut from the list. She has to ask the family if that would be rude. I also let her know that I would need her to severely limit the number of her friends (many of whom I’ve never met. The number is nearing 20, a third of our initial guest list) she would like to invite b/c we’re paying for everything and don’t have the budget her list requires. That’s where the trouble started!
She thinks that we’ll be able to pull this off at $5 per head and therefore could have 400 guests if we wanted. How awesome would that be. So that includes food, beer, tent, tables and table clothes, chairs, invitations, postage, RSVP postage and whatever else you have to have more of when you have more guests, right? Back to the real world. I don’t think she’s taking everything into consideration, including the fact that perhaps I would prefer to invite MY friends over hers and NOT have my laid back small wedding balloon into a ridiculous circus to rival my debutant cousins!
When I tried to point all of this out, she moved to another tactic called “you father should pay for all of this.” No. That’s not cool. She actually told me “I’ll just get your dad to pay for my guests.” NO! They’ve been divorced over 20 years. That’s not cool. Isn’t it the PARENTS of the bride who traditionally pay for the wedding? Well, if Mom’s not chipping in, I don’t feel that Dad should have to pick up the slack. I’m a big girl and can pay for my own wedding, thank you. I mean, if I knew they’d both saved money specifically for this, or even if they both really wanted and expected to chip in, that would be one thing. But I’m not asking them to b/c I know Mom won’t.
Anyway, things simply digressed from there. I have some step-relatives who have technically been my aunts for about 5 years. Their mom married my estranged grandfather (whom I would also like to not invite because he’s creepy, seriously, but I fear he may be stuck on the list). I’ve met them 3 times that I can think of. They live far away. 2 of them are nice, the others are super obnoxious. They’re not really my aunts and I barely know them. Mom has to check with the family to see if not inviting them is ok. Then around 2 a.m. she lets me in on another secret. She’s planning on inviting HER first cousins. All 19 of them! I know I’ve met 2 of them in the last few years. The others are complete strangers. These are more people I don’t know but Dad is supposed to pay for.
Here’s the problem. Mom thinks we’re rich, or at least should act like we are. She’s always tried to live in the upper eschelon of society whether we belong there or not. We’re not in the top 1% or even the top 10%. Unfortunately, she has some friends who made it in the upper reaches or at least run in those circles. I fear she’s feeling like we have to compete. She wants to show them that her daughter also has a really fancy wedding with lots of guests and fancy food (she’s trying to get me to hire a caterer. Not necessary for what I want, not happening). I’m sorry, Mom, that’s not happening. She may have wanted to pretend we were in that caste, but she never taught me to want it. Having a huge wedding like my cousins sounds horrible to me. I know those can be super fun and lots of people want them, I don’t. I’m just weird, and luckily so is Nate.
I’m just really irritated. We’re going to have to up our guest list (or cut the friends we really want to be there) because my immediate family (parents siblings and my 1st cousins included) is at least 30 people! That’s half of the 60 total we’d wanted without even starting on Nate’s family.
Nate and I would be perfectly happy with the court house (although Mom moans about how upset I’ll be for the rest of my life if we do). Since we decided to have an actual wedding, we also want it to be the way we want.
And last, but not least is a fun little tidbit about my dress. Mom said she wanted to pay for it and so we need to go shopping. After all of the guest list trauma, mom says, “maybe we could put the dress on the credit card and I could pay you back.” If that’s what she wants to do, she shouldn’t’ve said she wanted to pay for the dress. What will happen is I’ll pay for the dress, mom will say she did and never pay me back. She’ll also want me to get a fancier dress because “she’s buying.” I want a super simple dress, maybe even just a sundress. But that doesn’t fit the debutant theme I see forming. ACK!
Ok, now I’m just rambling. But I’m so annoyed! I just see my nice, calm laidback wedding being completely hijacked by my bantam rooster mom! Please someone trade moms!